Perfectionism and Midlife Transitions: Finding Your Next Chapter | Dawn Pfingsten

In this episode, Wendy sits down with Dawn Pfingsten, a beauty and skincare creator who's spent the last decade on social media, and learned that perfectionism is the cage keeping women stuck as a result. Raised in the South with the conditioning to "look good before volleyball practice," she gradually dismantled that cage by showing up authentically: sweaty walks on camera, no-makeup days, real life. But the real story isn't about skincare. It's about seasons.

They explore:

• How perfectionism shifts as you age: in your 20s you judge, but in your 40s and 50s, you assume good intent and give people the benefit of the doubt
• Life has seasons, not failures: parenting phases, empty nests, marriage evolution aren't bad, they're just different, and you get to choose if you'll find good in the next phase
• The power of following what feels right over what's shiny: roadblocks often mean "this way," and sometimes you have to try something to know if it's not for you

When her kids started growing up and moving out, Dawn made a choice: intentionally find good in this next chapter or spend 40 years miserable. So she moved to a farmhouse, started raising sheep, and traded her dresses for Target jeans, because she realized she still has so much more life left.

Connect with Dawn:

Instagram: instagram.com/justdoingmybest

Facebook: facebook.com/justdoingmybest

YouTube: youtube.com/justdoingmybest

Referenced in this Episode:

Naturium.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

Connect with Wendy:

Linkedin
Instagram: @wendy.harrop
Facebook: Phineas Wright House

Website: Phineas Wright House
PWH Farm Stays
PWH Curated Experience and Travel

Interested in being a guest on the show?
Send your pitch to podcast@phineaswrighthouse.com

Podcast Production By Shannon Warner of Resonant Collective
Want to start your own podcast? Let's chat!

If this episode resonated, follow Say YES to Yourself! and leave a  5-star review. It helps more women in midlife discover the tools, stories, and community that make saying YES not only possible, but powerful.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hi friends, this is Wendy Harrup, and welcome to the Say Yes to Yourself podcast. On the Say Yes to Yourself podcast, you'll hear stories from women just like us who are adding the practice of saying yes in their daily lives in big and small ways, and as a result, are experiencing the truth that everybody wins when you say yes to yourself. Saying yes to yourself is a graceful unfolding, an intentional becoming of the very best version of you. It is my hope that in these conversations we are able to find our truth and be inspired and empowered to live our very best lives. I'm so excited to go on this journey with you, and I look forward to finding a bit of our own story in each other's. So fun! And speaking of fun, oh my gosh, today's guest, you're going to love her. We have Dawn Finkston, a veteran, a mom, and a content creator. And she founded Just Doing My Best, a beauty brand for Women 50 Plus, from one simple truth. Women don't need perfection to live a purposeful, joyful life. What started as a passion project on a rural Tennessee farm has grown into a thriving platform that helps women embrace authenticity, rediscover confidence, and create beauty and meaning right where they are. You are going to love this fun conversation with the very fun Dawn Finkston. Dawn, I am so looking forward to this conversation. Thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Oh, I appreciate you, Wendy. It's so, so nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

It's very fun. Um, I love already what we've been talking about before we let anybody listen to us. And I have all sorts of questions for you. But I do want to just revisit that topic a little bit. We were talking about perfectionism, but and how we were um not experiencing that with we're having some tech issues, I'm having some natural lighting issues, all of these things. And there are so many opportunities that could serve as an excuse to keep us from what we're being called to. And I love that we can acknowledge what we wish were different. We can acknowledge that your tech issues don't affect me negatively and it doesn't matter. And you could probably not care any less about what my light is doing right now.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

But how we make that sometimes in our own minds so much bigger than it is, and feel like everything needs to be exactly the way that we want. Ooh, this is interesting. I was gonna say everything needs to be exactly the way we want it, but what came to me as I was saying that was we want everything to be exactly how we want it to be perceived by the other person, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:11

Yes, yes, that gave me a little chill, yes, received message received, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Like, why do I want perfect? Because I want you to see that.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

I want you to see what I yeah, who think that, oh, this is the way I look 24-7. Yes, of course it is, right? That's what I want you to think, but oh my gosh, that is far from the truth.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

So how are you? I've got, I mean, I have a question I ask everybody at the beginning, but not today. Okay. I will ask you later, but I want I'm interested in this. How are you how are you interacting with this conditioning that we were all raised in that and you are from the South? So like I'm from California, so I don't even have the you gotta look like you gotta be in full makeup before volleyball practice and right things. Like I didn't experience that. So, so how how are you interacting with perfectionism?

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Let me just say, when I started on social media about 10 years ago, a little less, social media, YouTube, things like that, I really thought, okay, I'm gonna talk about makeup and skincare and fashion. And so I have to look good every time I get on camera. And then I thought, oh, that's so not realistic. So then I started gradually, for instance, in the when the weather is warmer, in the middle of summer, you know, it is I live in the south, I'm in Tennessee, and it is disgusting here in the summer. You know, the middle of June, July, August, our humidity is often over 90%. I live in Massachusetts, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

We're at about 800%. It's ridiculous. It's disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yes. And so I will go for a walk in the morning and then I will usually like get on my social media channels in stories, you know, the really quick little stories that you do looking disgusting. And then I will say, I just finished a hot, sweaty walk. Because people need to see that. You know, um, once a week, I since again, this is what I do makeup, skincare, fashion, things like that. Once a week, I try to schedule a day where I don't put on makeup. That way I'm not tempted to go, oh, I I need to record this. And so I do a no makeup day. I'm sitting all day long on my computer, on my phone, and I'm working. And then I will always get online and do a Facebook story or an Instagram story and say, Yep, today is my no makeup day. Here I am, looking like death on a cracker, and it is what it is. Right. And so many people say, Thank you. I don't want anybody to think, I mean, hello, I'm 58. So Well, you look amazing.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Well, thank you. I am 57 and a half, so I'm breathing down your neck, Queen.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Right? Yep. And it people need to say, you know, this is what I look like when I leave the house, when I make a video, but I don't leave the house a hundred percent of the time looking like this because again, it's not realistic. Right. If I go to a workout class, I will get on usually before or after and just say, Hi, what are you doing today? You know, tell me what you've got on your agenda today. See, I live in the south, so I'm fixing to go work out. And they can see me. So I want to immediately have people feel comfortable and know that this is this is normal.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Right. And within that, how does that play out for you personally? Like when you are feeling like wow, okay, that could have been better, that could have been different, that should have been, I should be doing this. I have, I what is next? What how am I supposed to, you know, like I I totally understand and appreciate how you are inviting your community to not focus on their perfectionism. But I'm interested also just to know like how you are soothing yourself when you when you know, because we have these voices, these thoughts that are all right, what's next? Bigger, better, faster, let's go. Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

I hate to sound cliche. No, don't but I I really think that truly with age comes wisdom. And we really do not only let ourselves off the hook, but we let each other off the hook. Yes. Before we started recording, you know, you said you had a little mishap with a scheduling with with someone else that you were gonna talk to. And my immediate thought was, oh, I've had that happen and it was probably a mistake. In my 20s, I would have said, Well, she clearly blew you off. Yeah. Right? Right. But now in my in my 50s, but also in my 40s, I go, Oh, God bless her, something must have happened. Totally. I'm sure it wasn't intentional. I'm sure something happened because it's easier for me now to say, life happens to all of us. Yes. It may not be mind-blowing or traumatic to me as it was to her, but that doesn't make it any less, you know, inconvenient. Right. So I think I think we're better able to do that. I wish I was able to do that in my 20s.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

I wish that I could see Wendy somewhere at church at the grocery store, and she doesn't say hi. And in my 20s, I would have thought, well, who does she think she is? Now I think, oh, I hope she's okay. Because I know I didn't do anything wrong. Totally. Not in a vain way. I just know, well, I know that I haven't seen her in a while, and I know that nothing, I didn't do anything wrong. So gosh, I hope she's okay. I should probably reach out to her and just make sure that she's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Yeah, there's so much beauty in a shift in perspective. And so much when we give other people the benefit of the doubt, we get the benefit.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

It's so good. How are you saying yes to yourself in this season?

SPEAKER_01 11:23

I am I'm saying yes to myself by realizing I still have so much more life left. Okay. I want to give you an example of something that my husband and I came to a realization at Christmas. And it's kind of a broader example, but no less important. In our 50s now, our kids are grown. We still have a younger daughter that lives at home, but we have an older daughter who is married. She doesn't live in state, she has children, she has a job, and we have told her if you want to come for Christmas and bring the kids, we will drop everything and make Christmas amazing. But right now, we get it. You're young and you need to work. And we get it. But my husband and I came to the realization at Christmas that our kids are grown and we can no longer live in the Christmas isn't as good as it was when the kids were little. Because I'm 58. I hate to keep bringing that up, but that was only 18 years of our lives. Right. What are we gonna do for the rest of the years? We cannot sit here every single Christmas going, Christmas isn't near as good as it was when they were young. So we started this past Christmas doing things for the two of us.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Oh fun.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Deciding what Christmas Eve was going to look like, deciding what Christmas was going to look like, what traditions are we going to do? And if we can spend Christmas with the kids, that will be amazing. But let's assume that we're not going to. What are we going to do to enjoy this Christmas? Because we can't spend the next 40 years going, right? Christmas is coming. We can't do that. Right. And I don't know if you realize that, but there are a whole lot of other people in the same boat, and we need to find them and bring them along with us and say, What are you guys doing for Christmas Eve? Oh, well, we saw the kids and we had Christmas with them on the 15th of December. Right. Great. So then you're free on the 25th. Okay. On the 25th, we don't put makeup on, we don't do our hair, but we do wear pajamas. Come over for breakfast.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Oh fun.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

And so that's what we did. We're finding people who are in the same boat we are, and we're making new traditions for Christmas. So I said all that to say I'm thinking, I can't keep thinking about what it was, what I used to do, how wonderful it was. How perfect my skin was. What are the next 10 years, 20 years, 30 years going to look like?

unknown 14:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

And I love that it's not only a joint project with you and your husband, but you are looping other people in, which is will have great ripple effects because then they'll tell two friends and they'll tell two friends. Exactly. Then you guys will all be irritated when your children have children and want to spend Christmas at your house because that's plans.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Mm-hmm. Yep. As a matter of fact, my husband even said to me, he said, next Christmas Eve, I want us to go somewhere. Oh, it's very fun. We have a small farm, and so we rarely just leave for extended periods of time because then somebody else has to take care of our animals. So I said, you know what? Let's go to this really nice hotel in the area and let's just spend the night.

unknown 15:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Christmas Eve. We'll wake up, we'll do their brunch. I don't have to cook. Right. We'll do their brunch and enjoy it. We'll have Christmas, the two of us, and then we'll come home in the afternoon when everybody needs to be watered and fed, and we'll do that. So that's what we're planning.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Oh, that's so fun. I love that for you. Yeah. Who lives on your farm? Tell me about the farm. We have sheep.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Oh, yay. We have a hundred-year-old house. And uh about about five years ago, we moved into this old farmhouse. My dream was always to have an old farmhouse. So we are renovating it as things come up. And my husband always wanted farm animals, and he started with goats, and we realized that goats are like having 50 puppies.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Yeah, they're and they're escape artists and acrobats.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Yes. And so we switched to sheep. And so we have sheep and chickens, and then we have giant rabbits. My husband likes the giant, giant rabbits. And so we have sheep, and usually in the spring, whether we want to or not, we end up with a baby lamb that was rejected by its mom. And uh it ends up in our house for about six weeks in diapers and bottle feeding. And as we are talking, I have one right now. I have about five doors closed in between me and her because I know she's a couple of rooms away crying her full head off at me. But yeah, we've we've had a lamb in the house every year for about four years now.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

I might need you to take me to her when we're done. Oh my gosh, she is precious. And um, so yeah, we have sheep. I love that I live in an antique farmhouse as well. It's a little bit older than yours. It was built in 1785. Yeah, it's old. And um, I had farm animals for a while, but my neighbor, who actually grew up in our house, she raised Shetland sheep. So um just beautiful. Um, she passed a couple of years ago, but she enrolled my daughter, was in kindergarten when the pandemic. So when school was canceled, Nan enrolled Amelia in farm school. And the first baby lamb was born that day. And that's where that's how my Instagram started as I was doing lives from Nan's farm because my friends were stuck in their apartments in the city and wanted to know what it looked like to be in grass. So it was so fun, and I see you in the glory yumminess of that. And um, I am also glad to have fewer farm animal responsibilities because my fun holiday tradition when my daughter is with her dad is I go to Paris for New Year's Eve.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

How glorious!

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Oui, madame, yes, and I invite women to come with me and we stay at the Waldorf Astoria and it's dreamy and fabulous. And this is a year that uh she will be with her dad between Christmas and New Year's. So this is a year that we will be there again. There you go. So, so fun. It's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

And I show my farm animals all the time on my social media, and I hear from women all the time that say thank you so much, because like you said, they live in an apartment or they live somewhere in the city and they didn't grow up with farm. We didn't grow up with farm animals either. They didn't grow up with farm animals, and they love seeing all of the all of the animals. And I've got this little one just hopping through the house all the time, hopping, hopping, hopping, wearing her diapers. And they love it, and it and I love it because it just brings them something a little bit different than just makeup, just skincare, just fashion, whatever, just something a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Yes, I love it so much. And you know, I'm assuming you dreamed of having this life. I dreamed of having this life when I was in California. So I love sharing my dreamy barn life with people. Yes, and it's just it is very fun.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

So tell me how did you get started? You have this beautiful community of faithful, loyal followers, and there's a whole lot of them. Yeah. So, how did this happen? Tell us some backstory.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Well, I got to the point where our youngest was, as you know, you get to that point where they don't need you as much. Obviously, she was still in school. Our youngest is 19. She's gonna be 20 this summer, and she still needs me, but you know, I got to the point where going to the field trip wasn't cool, mom. Coming to the day where you bring treats to school wasn't cool anymore. And I wanted something for myself. Yeah, I wanted something for myself, and social media was getting a lot bigger, and there were some beautiful, beautiful girls. I can call them girls because of my age, that were sharing makeup and fashion and things like that. But I thought, gosh, I need something for the ladies that look like me. And so I really started in an effort to find the women who looked like me. They were over 40, over 50, not perfect skin, uh, age spots, wrinkles, you know, dark circles, all of the things. And then I kind of transitioned a little slightly away from fashion to more makeup and skincare and more affordable. So I really focus on just looking really good without spending a fortune. Fantastic. I always like to say, I'm your budget beauty bestie. So if there's something really good at the drugstore, I'm going to find it. Target, Walmart, that type of thing, because I don't think that's We have to spend a fortune. And I think brands are getting better with taking stuff out of products that we don't need and putting in ingredients that are more skin friendly and really good for our mature skin. And so, yeah, just out of a need for finding something for myself, and then also finding something for my friends who looked like me and wanted to look good at at any level. I mean, clearly, we're on camera. So I did all of the things. Well, it looks beautiful. Thank you. You look beautiful. Thank you. You look beautiful. I did all of the things today, but we don't do that every single day. And some women say to me, you know what? I just don't want to bother with makeup. And I go, Great. Okay, let's focus on maybe a tinted moisturizer or a tinted moisturizer with sunscreen. Give you just a little bit of coverage, taking care of your skin, and you have SPF. Right. Okay. I love this because I do not wear makeup. Right. So we kind of focus on things like that for the women who just say, gosh, I just don't want all of that. So I'm constantly saying, okay, I found this foundation and it's skin-friendly. It has great ingredients in it. I don't ever want to say that I'm finding the perfect formula because what you might want to stay away from in terms of ingredients might be completely different from somebody else. Right. And as we know, this year might be completely different from two years ago or two years from now, whatever. So I say, you know, let's find something that is your skin but better. It has great ingredients, it's really good for mature skin. And it's not full coverage, but it'll be terrific when you just want a little something. Yes. So that's what I try to find a lot of times.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

I love that. So how long ago was this that you started?

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Probably about 10 years ago, and it's changed. You know how we do. You think you're gonna focus on this, and then this happens, and then something really sparks. Uh well, like I said, moving into this farmhouse was kind of midway now through my journey. And uh even the clothes that I wear are different because although we didn't really have ever have the opportunity to really dress up, I dressed up a little bit more than I do now, but I wear a lot of jeans now, and I love to wear jeans and a blazer or jeans and a blazer and sneakers.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

So cute. Well, right, because we're wearing hunter boots all day long every day.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Right. And I say, and I never know when I'm going to have my husband come out to the back door and go, Don, you need to come outside right now. And I'm like, oh heck, okay, well. Take off my ball gown and I'll do the answer. Yes. Let me get something that can at least kind of sort of get dirty, because I never know when I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna help some sheep give birth or something. And occasionally we'll get done with something. And my husband will go, Oh, do you think you can wash that out of that? I'm like, I I think so. And and sometimes I'll go, no, but it's okay because these genes came from Target. So it's all good. No big deal.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Wow, what a giant shift in your life. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

My husband and I say all the time, if 10 years ago someone would have said to us, okay, now can you imagine that in 10 years you will have, you know, a whole herd of sheep, and you'll be in a farmhouse and you'll be out in the middle of nowhere that sometimes internet's good and sometimes it's not so good. And you'll be um, you know, probably having a lamb in the house jumping around the house. My husband and I would have been, oh my gosh, there's absolutely no way that that would ever happen. Like, whose life is that?

SPEAKER_00 26:30

So, but here we are. And how did that happen? Like, how are you? I mean, I know how it happens for me. It's just one beautiful yes after the next, and really spending time in the morning. I have a morning practice, and I'm that's where I'm committing to my relationship with God and leaning into what is next and what is coming. And that's where all the good ideas come. And of course, when I'm in France, lots of good ideas. Lots of good ideas, so fun. Um, and so so obviously I know my process. I'm really interested in yours and how how this unfolded the way that it has.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Sometimes, like you said, it's those unexpected things that present themselves, and you think, okay, this feels really good. Like I could really see this working. Do you know? I think sometimes we want something so badly, whatever it is, and we don't recognize roadblock after roadblock after roadblock is God, I usually say, saying, um, I don't think so. You may be chasing this big, fancy, shiny thing, whatever it is, but I'm saying, no. You know, but sometimes those little there are little roadblocks, and you go, Oh, I I can make this work, and then it works, and you go, okay, I I think this is the way we're supposed to do this. You know, my husband, for instance, when it comes to this, my husband wanted goats. He's always wanted goats, and uh, it wasn't working out well because, like I said, it was they were escape artists and we loved them because they had so much personality. Yep. But they're naughty, they are very naughty, they are very, very naughty. And so finally we just said, you know what? If this is something that we want to do on a regular basis, we need to switch to sheep and let somebody else raise goats, thinking, oh, they're so cute, it'll be so fun. We're like, good luck with that. So we just switch to sheep, and it has been great. It's a lot of work. My husband and I will joke, and he'll say, you know how you do? You say, Oh, I love you, I love you more. And he'll say, You have sheep, don't you? And I'll say, I let you take care of them, don't I? So, but sometimes it doesn't even matter what it is, you just have to recognize sometimes those little things that just present themselves that you see, well, I didn't even see that coming, but I I really think I could do that. I really think I would enjoy that. And sometimes it means trying something else before you realize that that's not the thing. Right. But I need to look at that thing over there. Sure, right. It's the contrast, it is. Sometimes you have to get in the door, walk in the room to realize that's not the room I want to be in. But I think now I have a better idea of what the room should look like.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Yes, we have those experiences, and we're just gathering data, we're getting feedback, we know, and sometimes that room it used to be the right room.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

I don't think enough people realize that. I don't think enough people understand that there are so many seasons, and if you don't think that there are seasons, have children. Because your children are not in diapers all of their life, that's a season. They're not in school all of their life, that's a season. So the next season or another season is when they're not in school or they get married or they move out. That's a whole other season. And like I said, back to my example to Christmas is when we have to recognize okay, it's not that life isn't as good as it once was, now it's just different.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

And just like you had to make potty training good, you had to make elementary school good, middle school good, you had to find the good in those times when your kids were in middle school. Now you have to find the good in this season of now my kids are out of the house. What is this gonna look like? I have to make some good out of this. If not, the next 40 years are gonna be miserable. So I have to make some good out of this. Yes. Even if it's just taking little steps, it doesn't matter what it is, it doesn't matter what it is. It could be going to a workout class, it could be joining a book club, I could be making that sound very elementary, it could be taking a class, whatever. You could go, you know, you know what? I'm gonna take a pottery class and get in that pottery class and go, oh my gosh, this is so not in my wheelhouse. Right. But I see this really fun class over there that I never would have considered. Had you not taken that one step to go to that pottery class, you never would have seen that other one.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Exactly. Right. And it doesn't make the the rooms that we used to belong in, they aren't wrong. We've just outgrown them.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

We've outgrown them. That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

And that's okay. Yes, there's grace in that, and it it can be unfamiliar and uncomfortable to make those changes. And, you know, I think a part of it is, and we talk about it on the podcast all the time, is we're saying yes to ourselves, and that can feel scary because, like, what about all the people that I will not be saying yes to if I'm saying yes to me?

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Because I think friendships are that way also. I think we carry a lot of guilt with thinking, gosh, I used to talk to Wendy all the time and I don't see her anymore. I hardly ever see her. That doesn't mean that I don't love Wendy anymore. That means she was really great when I worked here. And now we don't have that in common anymore. That doesn't mean I don't care about her. That doesn't mean I don't love her. If she didn't, if she needed something, I would be there for her. But now I'm over here raising sheep and I need a friend who understands. You know, this. Do you know what I mean? And so sometimes friendships, jobs, changing churches, things like that, they're all they're all just different chapters. Doesn't mean the last chapter was bad, it just means you're moving on to the next chapter.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Yeah, and that there is so much grace that we can show ourselves in those transitions and that we can show to the other people. You know, I you were talking about Christmas earlier, and it just was reminding me of this tradition of Christmas cards. And like I understand where it came from. And I under I used to be like I sent out like 175 Christmas cards that were all like hand lettered envelopes and like all the things, you know, we're like start picking the outfits for the I mean, even before we had Amelia, it's like the dogs are in it. Yes, husband number one. Like I've been doing this for decades. Right, right. And um since my divorce, I did send out a Christmas card that first year with just Amelia and I. It's like, um, okay, a picture's worth a thousand words, but there you go. But here are a few to explain why there are fewer people in our card. But it's been interesting because in the years since it's only been a few, but I like I'm in a different phase of my life. And in retrospect, the last three years, it's been a bit of survival mode. And without like I wasn't feeling like to me, survival mode sounds like, oh, I'm so sorry for her. Like that sounds really hard and scary. But like now it's me. I'm in charge. I run this farm by myself, I run this business by myself, I do all these things by myself. Like I gotta get after it, and there are only so many hours in the day, and the Christmas card situation was not a priority. Right. And it's interesting because also, you know, if I'm posting on Instagram all the time. So if it like there's plenty of pictures, so it's whatever. But it's just interesting to me. Uh like as I receive the cards, which I love, I love getting a lot of. Like I've started like just responding to those and with love notes. But it's interesting, all this to say, these friendships that they just move in and out of our experience. And I think we get to ask ourselves okay, what am I doing out of obligation? What am I doing out of habit that is really not a desire, it's actually something I'm tolerating and and being okay with that and being okay with not sending 175 cards explaining how I will not be sending 175 cards, right? And just letting it be.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

And you know, here's another paradigm shift for that. If someone is listening and they go, But I love the Christmas cards, awesome. First of all, awesome, then do it. Yep, take something else off of your list. But if you're saying, but I love them and I love getting them, and if I send one, then they will send me one because although I don't see Wendy all the time, I want to see pictures of her kids and her dog and her all of that. You know what? Who says that your family letter has to arrive at your friend's house by December the 24th? Why can't it be your mid-year yep? And you send it by the first of July every year. And you start out with, this would have been a Christmas card had I mailed it six months ago. But I hope you had a great Christmas and I hope you're enjoying your summer. This is what's been happening, and now here's my address. So if you send Christmas cards, I would love to see you and your family in a Christmas card. And you send it in the middle of the year instead of in the middle of the Christmas. Chaos, right? Right? Yeah. So you send it, they got it, they feel love, you feel love, and you're not as hurried sending it at Easter or Labor Day or Memorial Day or whatever you want to do. It doesn't have to look the same as everybody else's.

SPEAKER_00 38:34

Right. And we just have alternative ways of communicating now that we didn't have decades ago when Christmas cards were necessary. That's exactly right. So it's just, I think it's just one of those things that can be a quiet, a quiet way of keeping me in a place I no longer want to be. Right, right. Like it's just one, it's an energy leak. Like I don't need to send them. And nobody cares. I'm the one that's making a big deal of it and even giving this much airtime to it. But I do think it, I think it's just a really easy thing to say, hey, is this something I want to keep doing?

SPEAKER_01 39:26

Right. If the world ended tomorrow, would that be the first thing I would regret is not sending Christmas cards to 175 people? Yeah. You know, and that's when I always think about like having stuff and we collect all of the stuff and whatever. I always think, okay, if the house were on fire, or let's just take uh down just a little notch. Say I had to evacuate my house for whatever reason, is that gonna be the thing that I'm gonna make room for in my car, knowing that everything that I own is gonna be in my car? I'm thinking not.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

I'm thinking that cutesy little trinket that I just got off of Amazon is not gonna be the thing that I'm gonna make sure has room in my car. So that's kind of a lot of a lot of the times I always think, oh gosh, would I grab that in the event of an emergency? I don't think so. Well, then I don't need to buy it. That's how I think of things like that.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Right. I mean, there's just all yeah, all sorts of questions swirling around about what we're tolerating and and why I think you know, we are just we are in a season of intention and of recalibrating what's in service and what isn't and what we really want and what is no longer necessary.

SPEAKER_01 40:51

I yeah, I think sometimes saying yes to yourself, we think about saying yes as bringing something in. Sometimes it's letting go of something.

SPEAKER_00 41:00

Totally. Yes, yes, and 2025 was a year of shedding a lot of stories and physical items for me that are not in service and practices, and you know, it coming into my life after shedding a lot of those things is just having me recalibrate as I come around the bend of new like, oh, well, this is my first summer without those things that I thought I didn't need, but yes, wish I had right now.

SPEAKER_02 41:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:39

But yeah, I mean it's just we're it's all very fluid.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

It is okay.

SPEAKER_00 41:45

So sorry, we got off way far from beautiful skincare, but I want fun conversation to do that. And I do want to know because as I said, I do not wear makeup. I never have my mom didn't wear makeup, and so I never learned how. Okay. So it's like prom and weddings like that. Multiple proms and multiple weddings.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

Someone didn't then you panic, like, oh my gosh, I haven't done this. What do I do? Where do I start? Exactly. I hire somebody. Yes, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Yep. But but word on the street is I'm not getting any younger, but I I love I love that I'm aging. Yeah, I love it. I love that your forehead is really beautiful and has no lines on it, and so I just stare at your forehead when I talk and not at mine.

SPEAKER_01 42:35

Well, just don't look here because all of this where other people have it here, mine is shifted here.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

So we all have it somewhere, which is totally fine, and I don't want to pretend that I am not 58, because I will be 58 when this airs, but I do want to take care of this beautiful organ that's all over my body. So, what are your suggestions for us aging beauties? What do we need to pay attention to? What do we need to look out for?

SPEAKER_01 43:11

Well, I think one of the things that I recommend in terms of skincare in the morning, find something with vitamin C. You want to wear vitamin C during the day. Okay. I know sometimes it can be hard to keep it all straight. Think of when you think of vitamin C, you think of orange juice, you think of sunshine. Sunshine is during the day. So you wear vitamin C during the day. Peptides. Peptides are another big buzzy word. You can wear peptides on your skin in the morning or the evening, and at night, wear something with retinol in it. Retinol helps with the fine lines, it helps with the discoloration, it helps with texture. And things like that. So think of vitamin C and retinol as kind of doing the same thing, but they're on opposite teams. So you want to keep your vitamin C during the day and you want to keep your retinol at night.

unknown 44:16

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 44:16

And then one of the other things that I really like is when you wash your face at night, try to find an exfoliating toner. Okay. There are some pricey ones out there. You're looking for something with a BHA beta hydroxy acids in it. And one of my favorite, I like it affordable. So one of my favorite affordable cleaner brands is naturium. Nechurium makes a fantastic toner. So you could easily just wash your face at night, put that naturium exfoliating toner on a cotton pad, and it's beautiful for kind of shrinking those pores a little bit, helping with the texture. And then you can just apply your skincare and go to bed. So I do love vitamin C during the day, retinol at night, add some peptides. And then if you want to add your moisturizer or a moisturizer with SPF, you could absolutely do that. One of the other things that I really like is I like an under-eye hydrating mask. Ooh. Every morning when I make coffee. Right now, I change a diaper for a lamb and then I make coffee. Um, while I'm drinking my coffee, I put a hydrating eye mask underneath my eye, something with vitamin C, something that is nourishing, but also hydrating and can clump that under-eye for the day. Does that make sense? So it's delivering skincare, and I'm using that every day in addition to whatever else. But that's kind of my little treat for myself, starting off the morning with coffee and that hydrating under-eye mask. And there are a ton of them out there, and you'll find some that you like or that you don't like, but there are some great ones. I mean, even just on Amazon, they've got containers of them that you get 60 eye masks. So, you know, you use two every time. So it'll last you over a month or so. I love those. I love those.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

Fantastic. Um, okay, I have a silly question.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

For the novice. What is the purpose of toner?

SPEAKER_01 46:36

First of all, one of the things that toner does is it always just kind of makes sure, just in case you didn't get everything off of your skin when you washed your face. But also, it usually has some really great ingredients to just kind of close up your pores a little bit so that whatever you do after is not going to soak into all of your clean pores and things like that. But I love that BHA, that naturium exfoliating toner, because it's gentle exfoliation. You don't even feel it. It doesn't tingle, it doesn't hurt, it doesn't burn, and it just helps with the texture and the fine lines and everything, and then just prepares your skin to do your skincare.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

Fantastic. Thank you. When you're welcome to um, you know, when I'm like buy all the sets and all the dates, the toner was always still half full, and everything else was empty. So I clearly have never understood the I could see that.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

I can see that, which is another reason to get one that's a little bit more affordable. So this one that I'm sharing with you from Naturium is under $20. And that one bottle, if you're only using it at night, will last you for months.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

It's so great. Yes. Um, I have really sensitive skin, so I get nervous about trying new things, even if I had some under-eye cream, and after a couple of weeks, it started making red dots. So so I appreciate all of the suggestions. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

Yes, definitely if you get sensitive, make sure that it says fragrance-free. Um, we tend to think, oh, it must be too strong, it must be this, it must be that. Obviously, I'm no expert, but most of the time it's because they have fragrance in it. And that is usually what's going to irritate your skin more than anything else.

SPEAKER_00 48:33

Okay. Well, you are totally the expert compared to me. So thank you for that. Thank you. And we will link that product and everything. Um, but tell us anything you want us to know. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:48

I have another tip for makeup. I get a lot of messages from women who'll say, Okay, your foundation looks beautiful. What are you using? Mine doesn't look good at all. And I always, well, I'm I'm gonna back up just a second and say either foundation or concealer. They'll say, you know, my foundation doesn't look good at all, or my concealer, oh my gosh, you know, I'm in my 50s now and I need a new concealer. What I was using wasn't working. And I always say, are you using a color corrector? Okay, so I've always said that once you turn 40, like every birthday is a new surprise. Um, where, you know, not like when you were six and every birthday was a new surprise. Like they're not the same kind of surprises. And so about two years ago, I noticed that I started getting really red above my eyes. And a lot of women I find my age or a little older have really dark circles. The dark circles for me are not as bad. It might be because I'm trying a hundred different things of skincare all the time. It might be the eye patches, I don't know. But for me, it's not so much the dark circles as I'm very red above my eyes. Find a color corrector. You could go someplace like an Ulta or a Sephora and have them color match and find you a good color corrector. Okay, I'm gonna give you a little secret. Give us a secret. So people will say, Well, how do you match, how do you color match your foundation or your concealer? This is what I tell everybody. Go someplace like Ulta, have them color match you to whatever one you want. It doesn't matter. Landcomb, benefit, cover girl, doesn't matter. Take the little bottle that they give you, okay, say, Oh, thank you so much. This was such a big help, and now walk over to another brand, whichever brand you want, and then find a color that looks just like that. Perfect. Just because they color matched you doesn't mean you have to spend $40 on that foundation. So go to someplace like an Ulta and have them tell you like for me, I'm lighter skin. So my color corrector is more of a peachy pink. Okay. If you're more of a medium skin tone, your color corrector just to help with those dark under-eye circles is gonna be more peach. If you're darker skin, your color corrector is gonna be a little bit more orange. Okay. So find a color corrector, not that comes in 40 colors. Most color correctors will give you like three or four options, which is perfect. I always choose the one that's light, medium, and you apply that color corrector above and below wherever you have the redness or the dark circles, a light touch, get that all worked in. You will use half as much concealer. Perfect. And it will make the biggest difference because that color corrector goes in and it cancels out all the redness and the dark circles. Then you're just using a little bit of concealer just to brighten that up and make you look a little bit more awake.

SPEAKER_00 51:58

You're so cute. I want everyone to go to YouTube to listen to this podcast and totally watch all of Dawn's work on socials because she's so cute with her little tap, tap, tap of her of her finger, and and you've got all the mood. It's like you made me think I knew what I was doing. I've never done anything.

SPEAKER_01 52:21

You do, you do, and you're gorgeous. So you're good.

SPEAKER_00 52:24

My my 12-year-old is the makeup queen. So I only know about Ulta because of her. So um she will she'll love knowing that. Okay, good. And having that information. But thank you so much. Please tell everyone where they can find and follow you, how they can get all of these fabulous tips, and tell me what I need to know.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Okay. I am on Instagram and Facebook at just doing my best, and also on YouTube at just doing my best. And I am posting content all the time, every single day. And I love it when women come on and say, I listen to Wendy's podcast. So I'm saying hi. I love that so much. And uh, I hope they tell their friends because I just I just want to be that friend to them that maybe they said, gosh, my sister never told me that, or my mother never told me that. And even if she did, gosh, growing up in the 70s and 80s, wow, makeup looks so much different then. Yes, it's just I want to be that friend that just holds them by the hand and says, you know what, it's gonna be okay. Just try this one thing right now. You don't have to do a whole face of makeup, just try this one thing.

SPEAKER_00 53:35

Perfect. Thank you so much, Dawn. We'll link everything down in the show notes. But I really appreciate you. Thanks so much for watching. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 53:43

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 53:44

My pleasure. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. As always, any links or notes mentioned can be found at PhineasRighthouse.com in the podcast section of our site or in the show notes below. And if you haven't connected with me personally, come find me on Instagram at PhineasRighthouse and let me know you listened to this episode. I'd love to get to know you. Thank you for sharing this time with me. I know your days are full, and I'm really grateful that you chose to spend some of your precious time right here. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of these delightful conversations. I'll see you next week.